In my upcoming book! Here is a glimpse of what I am ThINKing!
Problem solver mindset fears the courage of possibility; believes it already knows
Possibility seeker mindse
t embraces courage for the unknown
Have you ever tried to help someone who did not know they needed it? How far did you go? Have you ever tried to give advice to someone who seemed to need it but wasn’t aware of their need? How did that go? We speak a lot about courage and how great a virtue it is. We hear stories of courageous people and we wish we could muster their daring attitudes. We imagine how we would respond to a situation but when the situation demands the response we imagined, we face it with excuses and a problem solver mindset. Courage is always standing at the door ready to enter, but we are afraid of it taking over our space because we are so accustomed to living loosely that the shakings of courage will drift us away from our comfort zone, yet the very conflict we need to move us, catalyzed by courage is the very situation that will grow us in order to master courage, apply it, exemplify it and triumph through it. We are accustomed to living with wishes because it feels good, and in return fail to live out the actions because it is hard!
Look around you right now and think of the possibilities that you can easily predict; like the sun will rise again, the rain will fall again, seasons will change, the clock will chime, people will die, children will be born, someone will graduate from high school, someone will get married, someone is going to start a business, someone is struggling with a terminal illness, someone is relocating to a new neighborhood, someone will go shopping and we all need to at some point, go to bed! These look like possibilities, but these are mild options. These are not what I am talking about. These are the facts of life, and we humans are part and parcel of these events.
The courage of possibility – only the courageous dare this route. Status quo doesn’t like this. “Been there done that” doesn’t want to hear this. “I know” attitude doesn’t want to be challenged with this, and “what if” mentality does not have time to think this through.
I called her into a meeting to discuss the way forward. I knew her past had been challenging, not because her parents died, but because she failed to learn to be responsible for herself. I realized that blaming death would not cut it because they died when she was already in her thirties- I consider this a grown woman who is able to take responsibility for her choices. One day she messaged me, sharing her plight, of being in dire straits because of a health challenge that was encompassing her life. I felt empathy for her and her situation as a single mother of young children that all lived with her. We had our conversation about the possibilities of the future, which in my view, lay in the current experiences she dreaded. Would her eyes be open to see that that which seemed to work against her, she would turn around with her attitude and make work for her? How long was she going to blame her past? I had sensed that people mattered to her, but only to the point that people were used, by her, to fulfil her desires and meet her urgent needs. And when people said they were not available to meet her requests, she coiled away and embraced self-pity, accusations, complaining and even the abuse of God’s name. God does not hate the people you hate! As much as I shared the courage of possibility- of living within her means and taking care of what she could without depending on others, her excuses piled up like sand dunes waiting to sink the next traveler. “You don’t know my struggle.” I heard these! Her problem solver mindset agenda only wore the lenses of the present and remained dark and visionless because emotions were riding above reason. Where did all these attitudes spring from?
An entitleMEnt mindset can only keep you stuck on one title: ME. She cared about “me” and what others could do for “me.” “Me” and the wrongs others had done for “me.” “Me” and how everyone else did not understand “me” struggles. “Me” and how I would show them “me” as a way to revenge for the help “me” deserved but they never gave “me.” Isn’t reading just these few lines already so tiring? The problem solver mindset is so focused on “me.” It is blind to the courageous opportunities lying around; opportunities that could result in a “we” that brings reality to senses dimmed by self and ego. What about an entitleWEnt mentality? WE are all in earnest to get somewhere together, with our ambitions and purposes. WE all win.
Until one day she called me to ask, as always, for nothing else but money. I wasn’t going to confirm in her worldview the very mistakes that have led her to depravity of soul- to trusting in money as her problem solver when the mind is the solvent that applied correctly, yields solutions that money is too cheap to buy! I picked up the phone and called her. We had a great conversation about entitlement and expectations placed on others to meet her needs. It was clear in my narrative that stewardship to God is not equated to feeding lazy folks who refuse to work with their hands, who are too timid to chart the paths they choose to walk on because they hear the knock of failure even where there’s no door. They invite failure in even where it did not pay a visit. It was clear to me that she owed it to herself and to God to understand the power of words and how what we say influences our outcomes. She needed to understand the value of wisely planning every minute for the achievement of goals.
Problem solver mindsets are hard to crack. They are built on the prejudice of ME first, instead of WE together. To help us get this out, we need a few steps:
PRAYER: Giving for the benefit of others must not always be fulfilling only because it is monetary. There is a kind of giving that is more worth than money. The first form of giving that we owe to one another is prayer. Captured beautifully in 1 Samuel 12:23-24 it says, “ Moreover as for me, God forbid that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you: but I will teach you the good and the right way: Only fear the Lord, and serve him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things he hath done for you.” These verses carry great wisdom: that failing to pray for others is an act of disobedience. Prayer is the number one form of giving we can extend to anyone. It is free and always timely. It is the greatest power. It is always available.
PRESENCE: Secondly, to teach others the good and right way: I did my part with the gift of my presence-helping her to understand that the good and right way was not total dependence on human beings to supply her need, but total dependence on God to provide what she did not know she lacked! Acceptance of this reality would grow her in the faith, while denial, could only lead to bitterness, malice, accusations and judging of others, and the abuse of God’s free gifts.
PRIORITIES: The third advice was to fear the Lord and serve Him in truth with all your heart: to put God first. When people do not meet our expectations, often times it is to our disappointment because we have pegged our expectations on people instead of standing on the excellencies of the promises of God. When people did not meet her expectations, they were turned into enemies, because people were objects to be used to fulfil her needs, not the subjects of God’s love whose needs are supplied by Him. The entitleMEnt mentality took over: “ME.” The question is, “Does God hate the people you hate?” If so, then your god is manipulatable to suit your emotions. Mine isn’t. He is the God Immutable whose will remains perfect beyond my emotions to the governing of my mind. This leads me to love all people- irregardless.
PRAISE: The fourth “consider how great things He has done for you,” was a moment of reflection- a journey into the past to see what paths the Lord walked with her; to count the blessings that she had received and to anticipate the future with hope. The tilting of our lenses toward praise, we can’t help but begin to praise because we are not visionless but visionleNs.
The possibility mindset?. Learn to pray! Possibilities are born there. Value others for being, not for doing. Prioritize your relationship with God. Count your blessings. Embrace courage for the unknown; you will know. Be open to new ideas beyond the quo of your mind. Let the “fault” lines in your mind spark with possibility seeking, not problem solving.
Visionless or VisionleNs. You choose how to see.
#BerylJoeQuotes
